Should I plan differently if one child is bad with money?

Short answer

Yes. You can plan differently if one child might blow through their inheritance. You don’t have to treat everyone exactly the same to be fair. You just need a clear plan that protects your family and avoids future conflict.

But be ready—this kind of planning can cause real resentment. It may completely destroy whatever relationship that child has with their sibling after you're gone.

Long answer

A common fear: “What if one of my kids burns through everything?”

Maybe they’re impulsive. Maybe they’ve struggled with debt, addiction, mental health challenges, bad relationships, or just never developed good financial habits. You’re not alone—and yes, you can plan around it.

You have options:
• You can delay when that child receives their inheritance (for example, age 30 instead of 18 or 25).
• You can stagger the payout in stages (e.g. ⅓ at 25, ⅓ at 30, ⅓ at 35).
• You can use a discretionary trust—where a trustee holds the funds and decides when and how to release money based on your child’s needs and readiness.
• You can keep the principal protected while still allowing income payments.
• You can make sure their share doesn’t go to a spouse or creditor if things go sideways.

With the right structure, you’re not punishing that child—you’re protecting them. And you’re protecting your other children too.

But I'm going to be blunt: this kind of planning can blow up the family.

• It can trigger resentment, especially if the child sees their sibling getting more access or being trusted with their share.
• It can lead to lasting conflict—especially if one sibling becomes the trustee for the other.
• It can shatter whatever relationship your kids had if they feel you played favourites or didn’t trust them equally.

And here’s what most parents don’t think about: How your child might remember you.
When one child gets a different kind of plan—especially one that limits access or control—they may not see it as protection.
They may see it as rejection.
They may believe, rightly or wrongly, that you loved them less. That you didn’t trust them. That you gave their sibling more freedom, more respect, more belief.

It doesn’t matter if that’s not what you meant—if you don’t explain it, they’ll write the story themselves.

So if you’re going to set things up unequally, plan for the emotional fallout too.
• Use a neutral trustee—not a sibling—to manage the money.
• Consider writing a letter of explanation, so your child hears your reasoning in your own words.
• Be transparent with your estate lawyer so they can help protect your intentions and reduce legal risk.

Treating your kids fairly doesn’t always mean treating them identically. But it does mean thinking ahead—not just about the money, but about the impact on your family and your memory after you're gone.

If one child worries you, don’t ignore it. Plan around it—carefully, clearly, and with eyes wide open.

A note on how I work:

I don’t take on Wills where children are being treated unequally, restricted, or cut out—because those plans almost always lead to conflict, and I have no interest in being dragged into it later.

If your estate plan is likely to cause resentment or blow up your family, I’m not the right lawyer for you.
I help clients build clean, thoughtful plans that protect the people they love—and don’t create messes for others to clean up.

This content is for general information only and does not constitute legal advice. Please consult a lawyer about your specific situation.